You Are NOT An Imposter, So Why Do You Feel Like One?
You know the scenario…
You’re doing a fundraiser. You’ve prepped the script and you’re ready to pitch. Or are you? The voice inside your head makes you doubt it. It says, “They aren’t going to take me seriously. Why would they take ME seriously?”
Or you are scaling your team. You started out with just 6 people working in one room, but now you’re at 250 people across multiple offices. By all accounts, you are a success story, yet there’s a nasty little voice in your brain that says, “You don’t know what you’re doing,” or “You’re a fraud and soon everyone will know it!”
As an executive, you may get rave reviews. People really love what you do and how you do it. You’ve heard the praise, yet two weeks after one of your most positive reviews you’re thinking you’ll be fired because that voice says, “I’m terrible at what I do. I’m a fake. When will they find out I’m not qualified?”
Perhaps you’re a first-time VP and you earned your place, yet that stupid voice whispers, “I’m not executive enough!” Maybe it tells you, “No one is going to listen to me, so maybe I’ll just stop talking.” And then you do. This happens a lot with female VPs and high-level executives. Far more than occurs in men. By this point having worked with so many people at this level, I have pretty much seen and heard it all. The voices vary, but they are all the same. The voice tells us we are an imposter when the opposite is true.
At the core of this voice is simply FEAR. That’s all it is… fear of success or fear of failure. Fear that you’re not good enough. Fear that one day the world’s going to wake up and see you as the “fraud” you are.
Here’s something you need to know…
Every single business leader on the planet has felt like you do from time to time. Even Presidents, even your physician, even coaches at the level of Tony Robbins. Why? Because we are ALL human beings and it’s a leftover from our reptilian brain. You are suffering from the Imposter Syndrome and there are ways to bypass it to healthier self-love.
What is the Imposter Syndrome anyway?
Simply put, the Imposter Syndrome is a psychological phenomenon wherein you find yourself doubting your accomplishments. Rather doubting you deserve those accomplishments. Your stomach churns and your mind races as you deal with your persistent fear that you’ll be exposed as a fraud.
Along the way, even while you legitimately earned your stripes and have a proven track record in your industry as a go-to person who knows how to solve problems, you feel inadequate or incompetent. (I know, crazy, right?!) You might even feel like you have to “put on a mask” when communicating with other people in business, like during client calls and consulting sessions. You feel like you could never let that other person know the “real” you.
Let’s find out if YOU have the Imposter Syndrome. Answer these questions…
Do you feel like a fake or a fraud in your business and/or life?
Do you downplay your accomplishments when people ask you what you do for a living?
Do you question how or why you have achieved the credentials, degree, job, funding or income you currently have?
Do you keep quiet in meetings because you’re afraid you’re going to make a fool of yourself?
Are you primarily a people-pleaser, because you feel it’s a way to prove your worth or a way to gain other people’s approval?
Do you feel that you just got lucky to be as successful as you are?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be suffering from the Imposter Syndrome. You don’t want to feel like an imposter. Deep down you know you’re not. So why do you do it? Why do you listen to the nasty, negative internal dialog that can have damaging effects on your psyche and your business?
There are Reasons You Feel like an Imposter!
Not surprisingly, if you feel like an imposter, you might think your negative feelings are a result of your job history, your bosses or how you got to the level you are in your business. That’s not it. The Imposter Syndrome derives from deeply rooted feelings and beliefs that implanted long ago in childhood.
While some people remember their childhoods and can recognize how what happened in those early years correlates to the fears experienced in present day, many people don’t. They cannot recall memories or events of childhood, so I don’t focus there when working with clients. We may touch on it, but overall I like to get clients to give their negative inner voice a name and character traits. That makes it easier to manage. So name it what you want. Then we are ready to move on. I’ll get to that in a bit, but let’s see if you suffer from the Imposter Syndrome…
Ask yourself some honest questions…
Did either of your parents or any mentor ever tell you that you can do better?
Were you raised by people who expected perfection in all you did? Did your teachers expect a whole lot from you?
Were you pushed to do more and more just to please others?
Did you have to pretend to be happy about the activities even if you really weren’t just to put a smile on someone else’s face?
How do you feel when you receive praise for work well done or any other achievement?
Do you receive compliments well or do you deflect possibly with self-deprecating humor?
How important is it to you to have everyone like you or support you? (Or can you keep the drive going on your own, even when you know not everyone is going to like the outcome?)
Are you a perfectionist, a solo artist, a natural at learning new things, are you often told or do you perceive yourself as being or having to be super-human, and finally… are you an expert in your field or do you feel like you have to be in order to get things fully accomplished?
Let’s take a deeper look at the archetypes* so you can figure out if you are one of these and why you are so prone to the Imposter Syndrome.
The Typical Archetypes that Experience the Imposter Syndrome…
First, you have to understand your behaviors as they are today. For example, did you become a perfectionist who makes sure she dots every “i” and crosses every “t,” and you certainly expect everyone else to do the same? If so, bad news… Nothing is perfect and you need to learn to be okay with that fact. However, this concept is really tough for you to embrace. Instead, you tend to micromanage other people, you find it hard to delegate tasks (cuz no one will do it the “right” way), and you keep yourself on the tightrope for fear that slipping up means you will fall for sure. If you slip up, that’s a bad thing. A very bad thing. Anything less than 100% perfect is unacceptable to you, which means you’re in for a rough ride. Your perfectionism can keep you from starting something new. Why start when you’re just going to fail, right?
Maybe you became a super-woman who can achieve anything and everything in a single bound. You amaze co-workers and others in your life, because you are the absolute go-to person for every task. But, boy, doesn’t THAT get tiring? It’s a sure path to burn out. Are YOU a super-woman? Let’s find out. Are you the first person into the office and last out every day? Do you feel like if you aren’t accomplishing something every minute of the day you are just wasting time? Great… if you want to be alone, you’re on the fast track, because your hobbies and time with family and friends will fall to the side of your life. Work will become the end-all be-all, and the only way you feel like you can prove your worth. If that’s you, let me share something with you… It’s all in your head and you need to find another way.
Maybe you’re a natural genius at all you do or you feel that you have to be. If not, you feel like you’re faking things. You’re only good at thing when they come easily to you. Having to work at tasks just proves you’re a fake. At least that’s how you feel, and you couldn’t be more wrong. As a natural genius, which started way back when you were a child in school, you are accustomed to being perfect the first time you try something, you easily earn high marks at everything you try, and when you can’t do something right the first time you typically don’t try again. It’s better to remain in your comfort zone anyway, right? Wrong. If these behaviors describe you, guess what? It’s likely that you don’t give yourself permission to learn new things. As a result you won’t grow as an individual in business or in your personal life. Wow, what a great way to work yourself into feeling stuck and frustrated all the time.
You could have become a soloist who feels like no one else could work as well as you do or produce like you do. As such, you prefer to work alone and avoid working in teams. You typically won’t ask for help either, because if you do it means you’re a phony. After all, if you can’t do “it” on your own you probably shouldn’t be doing that thing anyway, right? Asking for help is just being weak, so you don’t ask and you downplay your needs. That’s an awesome way to work yourself out of your passions. Truth is, you need help and then more help as you grow your business. You are not being an imposter by asking for assistance. In fact, that’s called hiring staff and scaling.
Finally… and this one might surprise you… the Imposter Syndrome affects experts in a big way. WHAT?! Yes. And it makes perfect sense.
Listen, as an expert you are prone to wanting to learn more, more, more. You can never know too much, and until you know it all you can feel like a phony. To you, being an expert is the bare minimum requirement to accept new clients or get up on stage to share what you know. You have a deep need to meet 100% of, let’s say, the requirements of a group that invites you to participate in discussions or attend meetings with peers that can move your business forward. In that case, you won’t participate, because you feel like you won’t know enough and will be called to the mat for it. To counter this unlikely possibility, you keep taking classes, earning certifications, reading lots of how-to books and endlessly watching videos so you can prove your worth as the expert. You might even feel uncomfortable when someone introduces you as an expert. (Even though you are one.)
Ready to Get Over the Imposter Syndrome?
Great! (It’s about time.)
It will take some heartfelt self-reflection and a concentrated effort to build your awareness of the core beliefs that pushed you over the cliff and fall prey to the Imposter Syndrome. Once you understand the reasons you feel like such a phony, you get to take the next steps in shifting and reframing your internal dialog and retrain your brain to create new beliefs.
It is always best to go through this retraining with someone who has been specifically trained to help you through all the challenges you will encounter. Believe me, you will encounter challenges. I know because I worked with a coach to get over my own challenges, and now I help others be the best person they can be in their business. I’ve helped all sorts of people who have start-ups and I’ve even helped a number of executive coaches.
As mentioned early in this article, I told you I would get to this part, so here’s the way I get you from experiencing the Imposter Syndrome to dumping it to move forward.
The first step is just to get you to understand that the voice is there. It’s a fact and you have to deal with it. The voice manifests as repetitive negative thoughts and doubts. No matter what, your mind just keeps coming back to that fear over and over again. (Isn’t it good that people can’t read our thoughts?)
Next, we’ll give the fear and negativity (the voice) a name and character traits. Maybe his name is Fred and he’s a tall, ugly bugger. That part’s up to you.
Now I’ll take you to the place of your inner leader. We will develop that leader together to make it powerful. To make it the voice in control.
We then work together to dump those negative thoughts. It is a process, and it works!
In the end, you will realize that the voice is NOT you, that it exists and that you can come from that new, powerful inner leader place to make the voice shut up and pack its bags permanently. That way you won’t go back to the default negative Nellie in your head.
Of course, this is an over-simplification of the process, but it gives you an idea that real work is involved and you can overcome the Imposter Syndrome. If you resonate with anything I’ve said in this article, I’d love to chat with you.
If you have questions, let me help you find answers. The first step is to schedule a quick phone consultation. CLICK HERE TO SCHEDULE YOUR FREE CONSULTATION NOW.
*The archetypes were specifically developed by Dr. Valerie Young.